Z's Comfort Zone

The next person to say “circle back” in a meeting owes you $5.

But no, this isn’t actually about that. Sort of, but not really.

This is about spinning the block.

I’m starting to realize that the reason I often spin the block is not because there is something about the person that I miss, but because of the space that they afforded me. Maybe that makes me self-centered and selfish but I think about the feeling that I’m missing, and then the person who provided that to me, and I instantly feel like I need to reconnect with them.

Today, after having a long day, both measurably long as well as emotionally long, I long for the person who understood what that was like, because they shared the experience.

I long for the one who shared the exact same experience as me, in the same workplace.

I long for the one who shared the same level of emotional and mental responsibility as me.

I long for the one who shared the same drive and dedication, taking it just as seriously, and personally as me.

But I also long for the one in the future, who doesn’t only share it, but helps to support it. Help relate, help offload. And not just one-sided or selfishly, but to be able to relate in such a way that the burden is lighter for us both. The understanding is there for us both. The grounding is there for us both.

I’m truly tired of circling back, both as a worn out corporate jargon and as an unhealthy relationship pattern.

I want new and fresh, but my perfectionist heart wants it in just the right way.

This is where my relationships struggle and my work burnout stems. 

Perfectionism and people-pleasing.

What an unclear, circular thought pattern and brain dump.