In 2022, I thought I’d hit a peak “self-actualization” moment. I was wrongggggggg.
I’ve had some of the best years of my life in 2024 and so far in 2025. One of the key reasons for that is that I am continuing to develop a greater sense of self, I’ve grown to love and romanticize my life, and I’ve been so deeply fulfilled.
*Cue Mirrors by Justin Timberlake.*
I feel like in 2025, I can call my 14/15-year-old self and tell her “it was easy coming back here to you once I figured it out.”
She asked me for a family. A true family. We went and made one. Found family, friends, pouring into loved ones and them pouring into us.
She asked me for a car, I gave it to her. An accomplishment I forgot until now, when I’m contemplating giving her another one.
She asked me to be a businesswoman. I overachieved and I gave it to her.
She asked me for love….
I am reminded consistently of a woman I was in the past that I’ve outgrown. This woman that I spent nearly a decade being. A woman I thought wasn’t polished enough. A woman I thought was too emotional. A woman I thought wasn’t pretty enough (wild, I know). A woman I thought wasn’t motivated enough. A woman I thought wasn’t dynamic enough.
A woman who bent and broke. Over and over again. A woman who thought she was selfish and fragile, and gave her strength to the people who took advantage of what was selflessness.
Things I’ve outgrown:
– Neglecting my interests.
– Being of service.
– Hyper-independence.
– Letting romantic love take the wheel (analysis, logic, and God will take that wheel instead).
In 2024, I gave into my interests. In 2024, I said no to things that didn’t bring me fulfillment and peace (salary be damned). In 2024, I remembered what I like. What she liked. I like traveling, lounging, nature, sports games, creative activities, trying new things, fishing out on a still peaceful lake, adventure, and other activities that can give me new perspective and just a damn good time.
In 2024, I cried for an hour straight when I realized that I birthed and raised a happy, healthy, brilliant, creative, joyful, spiritual human for FOUR years.
In 2025, I’m familiarizing myself with my confidence. In 2025, I’m re-familiarizing myself with “no”. One of my favorite things about 2022 was discovering my ability to just say no. I discovered a liking for being the villain who just said no. A skill I’d cultivated little by little over the years, through different conversations, and familial relationships that I severed. A skill that in 2022, I felt had been well honed.
But here we are in 2025, and I realize that everything that I’m proud of myself for just continues on a journey of growth. I continue to learn, I continue to fail, I continue to improve, I continue to become aware of the world around me and my part to play in it. I continue to discover pieces of myself, and my abilities. I continue to sharpen my boundaries. I continue to see the beauty in both my mistakes and my accomplishments, and I love it.
- “You used to be so much nicer.”
- “I’ve never seen you like this before.”
- “What else don’t I know about you?”
These fuel my fire.
She asked for love.
I love the woman I’ve become because she is fearless. She is capable. She is confident. She’s dynamic. She has grown in her faith. She gives herself. She knows her boundaries. She is brilliant. She works hard. She gets shit done. She can look back and see the impact she’s made on the world. She indulges in rest. She indulges in things that keep her rooted in joy. She is surrounded by love. Healthy love. She is a force.
She is love.
Z's Comfort Zone 