There’s no real valor in hard work. As much as they want to convince us of this.
Capitalism. Individualism. Boot straps. Overcoming.
Rooting our own self-worth in how much we can do or produce.
These are the things that today’s world convinces us make us acceptable or successful.
What they don’t tell us, though, is that everything in our nature, our biology, and even in the data, says quite the opposite.
*They = societal demands, perceptions, stereotypes, norms, work culture, grind culture, etc.*
Survivalism doesn’t make us stronger.
We are at our healthiest when we are not stressed.
We are at our most creative when we are not busy or trying to multitask.
Studies show that emotionally intelligent people are more successful. Studies also show that children who grow up in environments that are not experiencing poverty and with families that provide them emotional stability grow up to be more emotionally intelligent. Those emotionally intelligent children become adults who experience more success. Studies also show how important emotional intelligence is in the workplace.
The fact is that when you don’t have to worry about where your next meal is coming from or what your next paycheck is coming from means you can use your brain in other ways. When you aren’t facing demons or battling trauma every day, you can see the world as a place of opportunity, instead of as a battlefield. Deep down, we all know this. Even in reading this you’re probably thinking well, obviously. But have you really sat down to link the two together?
Often when we grow up in poverty, or when we are a part of a marginalized community, we spend so much of our life on the defense. We’re all taught that that resilience makes you better. We’re taught that the strength from overcoming makes you better for it. We’re taught that if you aren’t resilient, you’re weak. What’s worse is if we’re made to believe that if you haven’t suffered, then you don’t know strength. That if you haven’t suffered, you’re inherently weak and worse off.
Couple that with societies pressures for us to perform, and to only deserve something if we have earned it. Earning it usually requires some amount of putting ourselves through hell, whether that be climbing a corporate ladder or beating down our bodies in blue-collar or physical jobs or signing our lives away to the military or having some powerful story of overcoming disability or poverty or hardship or trauma. But why?
Being silver spoon fed somewhere along the way became an insult. But why?
Being able to exist without killing your mental and physical health is a luxury. But it should be a birthright.
Why does even feeling disconnected from socializing or disconnecting from work make us feel so anxious? We have now worked ourselves into such a vicious and aggressive cycle that if we are not producing at any point, we start to suffer from anxiety or depression because we’re thinking we’re not enough. We’re not doing enough, we’re not giving enough, we’re not being enough.
Here is something I want you to consider.
When you woke up this morning and took a breath of life, the people who love you thought that was enough.
When you walked outside and smiled at a stranger, that was enough.
You being born and being here and being everything that makes you you is enough.
Whatever desires are in your heart, desires that truly belong to you, not the ones planted there by external expectations of you, those desires are enough. Those ambitions are enough. You do not have to do or be anything more than what you want to do or be.
Now, this is not to say that you should run off and abandon your responsibilities. Responsibilities will be there. Literally being able to survive in this world, this economy, the landscape that we’re in, is a requirement.
This is not an unrealistic or idealistic post. I understand wholeheartedly that resilience is key to life. I understand that there will be pain and hardship and failure and overcoming no matter who we are and what life we live.
This is simply a reminder that we don’t have to participate in the hamster wheel that’s being presented to us.
This is a reminder that although society wants us to isolate ourselves in the bubble of individual achievement, that is not our human nature.
The bubble of individual achievement sets us up to be in constant competition with one another. It sets us up to be in a battle of egos perpetually. It set us up for disappointment and pain and hurt over and over. It sets us up for stress, heightened levels of cortisol, and increased damage to our health overtime.
What we instead should focus on is internal balance, which then helps us to be a better external presence within our communities.
This means when I am well, I can help my neighbors, my friends, and my family to also be well.
When I am taking care of me, I can lend support and care to those around me. And when I do that, I strengthen my community, I strengthen those around me, and together we are stronger.
So, when I look at my life, I can see endless possibilities. I have a pillar of strength to uplift me, support me, and root for me. I have a wealth of knowledge and experience and resources in those around me that can help propel me forward. I have more time and space to focus my attention to all that I can be.
So, when the inevitable throes of life hit us, and we have challenges and trauma and pain to endure, yes, I can shoulder that pain individually, but I also have a community to help me.
I no longer need the armor of resilience that being in survival mode would give me.
I now have a different type of armor and strength – one that is stronger and less fallible, and one that I didn’t have to suffer for.
Love one another.
Z's Comfort Zone 